Remember to leave your brain at home.

Well, it’s actually a good sign for a mindless action movie like this. We expect violence, monster-looking creatures, and ass-kicking fighting with big guns. Forget what those gum-stuck-mind critics have to say, they only tell you how terrible the plot is, how boring the character building is, and how stupid is to have a movie based on Mars but they barely see the surface of Mars. Fuck, who cares about the surface of Mars? Even my hamster knows to check the movie title before making any comment, and those dickheads couldn’t get this simple thing right. It’s DOOM, based on a video game that the only thing players should know is “shooting at every moving creature (and some barrels)”. Why do we need a strong plot? A kind of story that only tells us “ok, here are these monsters to kill” would be fine. Character building? Why bother? These people are all gonna fucking die anyway.

So this is what we’re gonna rate this movie. First, there is a chainsaw. Damn that’s one of the most violent weapons we can find in DOOM. And there’s more, our hero John gets to use this babe fighting against pinky demon. However, it’s sad that the monster is not cut in half by that, damn. Second, there is this gun, everybody’s favorite, BFG 9000. This movie can’t be named DOOM without it. Although I really miss the old-school BFG found in the first DOOM game (which can easily clear a room full of enemies by one single shot), this one is solid, too. Throughout the movie there’re three BFG shots anyway, too bad not one of them blows the ass of big-name enemies like Arch-vile, Mancubus or Baron of hell (in fact, all of which are not in the movie). Third, first-person-shooting scene, the most enjoyable scene in the movie. Not quite long, but does catch the heart of the game. The chainsaw vs. pinky encounter is also in this view, makes it the most memorable moment of the film. Fourth, there’s The Rock. The most electrifying man in sports and entertainment, the best Hollywood action superstar today, this guy is perfectly right for this movie. Sarge, the character The Rock plays, is just the guy like he said, “BMFOTP, the baddest motherfucker on the planet.”

And it’s good to know that The Rock isn’t doing his eyebrow rising thing in the movie.

Of course there’re some down sides. I’m so pissed about the fact that double-barreled shotgun doesn’t participate in the movie. My favorite weapon in old DOOM2 days, I’m sure this babe would make a huge impact. Also some well-known creatures are missing. I have to say that the story itself limits the possibility of creating more kinds of monsters other than zombies, makes it more like Resident Evil. If there’s DOOM 2 movie, I would like the producer to consider putting a handful of Cacodemons, Lost souls and Revenants. I also feel there should be more shooting. Because that’s what DOOM is about.

Bug found. If creatures only infect violence-mind or pervert, why would Portman be the first guy to be turned into monster (and kills himself)? Goat and Sarge are both fit into this category alright, but what about Dr. Carmack? What about all those workers of UAC research facility? Is that a black joke that tells us scientists are all sick in mind? So this is another good reason to explain why they should stick with the original “Monsters coming from hell” story.

And I personally believe this addition would be a great idea: put a berserk pack in the film. They have got The Rock (although there’s no need for him to execute his trademark “Rock Bottom” move during the last fight), it will be wonderful if Sarge can go berserk at times and smash zombies like a bunch of potato.

Rock Bottom

This movie is not for someone who looks for Golden Bear Award winner-type performance. If you’re die-hard DOOM fans who have spent countless hours kicking enemies’ ass, you will not want to miss this film. If you are non-gamers who don’t mind sitting in the theater enjoy cool action, mindless gun-shooting film without deep thought, you will also find this movie very entertaining.

It’s probably the best video game adoption so far.